Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
