i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
