Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize