dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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