working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
