I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
