im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
