Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
