I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
