Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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