I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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