I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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