I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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