if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
