Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
