____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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