I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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