he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
