I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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