Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
