Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish I only lived at night.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
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I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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