We're facebook friends in real life
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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