He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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