P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize