so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize