tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
