i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
