Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
