I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
