Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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