Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
