I accidentally had phone sex last night
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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