Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
