here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
