she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
