My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the day after is always just damage control
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize