Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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