Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are