your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.