and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.