im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once