There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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