What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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