Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
