At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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