i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
