her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
