i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
