i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
