What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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