too bad you live with your parents still
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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