Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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