just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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