bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
