you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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