even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
