Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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