Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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